The birth of my brother 22 years ago automatically secured me with a built-in room mate if ever I needed one, and well, the time has come. I asked him some months ago, following me telling Chris I want a divorce, if he would be interested in being my room mate. Three weeks ago I became full-time status at work, thus allowing me to think more strategically about living on my own. Him and I found a place, and will be moving in sometime next week. There are several caveats that come to mind, however:
- Neither of us plan on being in San Diego for very much longer (much to my parents dismay, I'm sure). Referring back to my previous post, I plan on being in San Diego no longer than 1 more year, and my brother will be discharging from the Navy in 2011 to join the Marine Corps.
- Related to caveat 1, we need to decide within the next 6 months if we're going to continue living there until he leaves (meaning I will be paying rent for a place I won't be living in for 3 months and potentially not be going back to at all after I complete Officer Candidacy School).
- We have absolutely nothing to put in our house besides what little belongings we both have, a TV and various game consoles that are rightly his, and a cat that is rightly mine. By some act of God, I managed to secure a mattress and two couches from various coworkers for a small fee. Supposedly it's all in great, gently used condition. At this point, I couldn't give a shit...
- Despite being able to "afford" living on my own, I will be living just within my means. I will be broke for a long, long time, which will make me leaving for OCS that much more meaningful.
But everything about the situation makes those three (and I'm sure there are more...) points completely worth the trouble. Our situation is entirely temporary. Just the fact that I'll be on my own, with my own room and own space, is more important to me than any of the negative aspects that may arise.
Not all those who wander are lost...
...life moves on. I'm still living, still breathing, happy with myself and the choices I've made with my life. Instead of succumbing to the split-second thought "it's 9 in the morning and well, I'd rather stay in bed all day", I realized not a whole lot gets done when you're just laying there. The same could be said for just about everything in life. Every day, I am faced with a situation that proves just how true that is. So I get up, time and time again. Pull back the covers and face the world, because the world will go on without me regardless.
I am on the move. In 3 months, I will be done with nursing school and ready to face the world. I want to join the Navy as a nurse; I am forcing myself to meet new challenges that I never thought I'd ever choose to take on. If I do this, I will be moving to a completely different coast for 3 months, by myself. Who knows what kind of physical and mental challenges I'll go through once I'm there to prepare me for the military life. On top of that, where will I decide to "end up" once I'm done with my training: back to San Diego, stay on the east coast, go overseas? The possibilities will be endless, and I can't wait. This is exactly the kind of thing I've been waiting for, what I've broken away from my old life for. To not only find myself, but to make myself.
The stress, frustration, and anguish of a life gone wrong are dredged up constantly. I need a fresh start to mend this broken heart. Granted, everything that ever happened to me was partially because of me, but it doesn't hurt any less. I look forward to moving on from all of this, creating a new image for myself, and coming home eventually to find that time really does work miracles. At least, that's what I'm hoping for. I will miss my family and friends more then anything, but I'm no stranger to this. For this I am thankful for coming from a Navy family. I am no stranger to change; in fact, I often times crave it. Stability, stricture, and discipline are some things I need. I'm far too spoiled for my own good, I need a swift kick in the ass and a little growin' up to boot. I also want to see the world (for free) and the spare change I'll collect along the way isn't a bad incentive.
Divorce is hard, heartbreak is hard too. But an unhappy life is unacceptable. And I am finally happy.
Privatized a bunch of entries, something I should've done a long time ago. My friend (and sorta boss), Mordo, was going through Vox with one of our developers yesterday and they somehow ended up here. Mordo scrolled down and I had to lightly smack his arm.
This Vox is embarrassing, rry.
This is my private blog, so just add me then comment here and let me know who you are and where I know you from.
Much love. <3
Steve and I went out for a lovely meal at Bella Italia last night after work. And then went to see Indy IV. Didn't get back to Steve's until 12:40AM. Had a nice long sleep in this morning, although Steve is still really tired. Said he wasn't going to have nap this afternoon. I will probably be really tired come tonight.
I'm not to sure whether my place of work can actually get any worse. We now only have one cook, who happens to be Steve. So that means no cook at the weekends, or mornings, or most evenings. So we're a bit in the shit really. They had better find someone soon. James said he wouldn't mind being cook again (he was demoted to general assistant after being a pain, but has now greatly improved). It just depends on what Donna says, she's our manager. But on the good side of things, she has got some people in on overtime tomorrow evening, due to me saying there's a reserve game (the football ground for Norwich City is literally metres away, so we'll be busier).
Today was actually okay though, and once I get through this week I do have a week off, which is needed really badly!
Steve seems to be ignoring my last text. I'll text him at 9 if he still hasn't replied.
I am all alone, mum, dad and Julia went on holiday today and Louisa has gone out. Am going to have a nice shower soon, and watch Atonement. It's Louisa's DVD but I'm sure she won't mind.
I did ask Steve to come over but he doesn't want to get up with me in the morning as I have work, and he wouldn't leave my house on his own either.
With my parents gone it leaves me doing the washing. What a nightmare. Suddenly realised I have one work shirt, one work trousers. So I've just had to put some washing on, as Louisa doesn't know how to use the washing machine.
Had the usual greasey breakfast with Steve. It will probably be my only meal of the day. As we ate about half 1. And you get so much!!
Don't even have Daisy (the cat) for company. I tried calling her but she won't come.
Steve and I today booked our holiday for the Summer.
Payed £935.99 each, including insurance for 14 nights. Looks well nice!! Is more expensive than our holiday last year, but you have to take things into account like, different country, and that we're going in June/July so it's more expensive then.
Just can't treat myself to anything this month, as now have around £1,200 in my account and today dad handed in the season ticket renewal form for Norwich City and that's another £350. And I need dad to set me up an ISA account so I can start saving in there. I need to work out my finances for the next month or so I think. No new games, DVDs or anything. I've got presents to buy this month as well.
I love my camera, is bloody amazing! The photos are so crisp. Got to buy a case for it on Wednesday.
Bloody period started today, 3 days early. I swear it's got something to do with my sisters though. Louisa just finished hers and Julia got her first ever on Wednesday.
I have this spot, in the most annoying place, right on the bottom of my nose. It hurts and makes the bottom of my nose red, it sucks!
Am Guitar Hero-ing it later and maybe do some cross-stitching whilst watching Match Of The Day, if I'm not too tired.
Am gonna miss sex! Argh! None for a week. Had to text Steve and tell him, we're both going to be hella horney come Friday.
Cooked my first fish at work today, is really weird, feels like a big achievement when you do it for the first time.
Steve is really annoying me! Earlier he texts me, I reply asking two questions and he just bloody ignores me. Like charming! Not nice. When he finally replies after I've sent him TWO more texts he says he's watching a movie. Honestly you can still send a few texts whilst watching a movie can't you? Obviously not in his case. So he's getting a annoyed Anna tomorrow morning. If I tell him enough times he might actually text me.
Am bloody tired now!!
